The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
