I hate all girls vehemently.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
