16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
