can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
