check it out our google latitudes are spooning
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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