Are we in a gay sports bar?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
