and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
