You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
