I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Randomize
