apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
