its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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