I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
