just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
