I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
How naked do you want me to be?
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