Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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