I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
