At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
