It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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