yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
