My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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