I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
