Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
