I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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