Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
