I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
