idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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