Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
