She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
