The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
