im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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