When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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