You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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