I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
