Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
