i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
