Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
