If i could tip my vagina, i would.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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