why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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