One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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