shes about as inviting as chlamydia
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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