The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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