I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
