Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
