My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
