chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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