Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
