brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
