pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
