I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
