God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
