I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
